Today I am back here. Precisely. Because sometimes life is like that. Every turn comes back to the same place.

The place is not the problem, it’s the turns.  

The Solace of Song

In times of trouble, it is music rather than Mother Mary that comes to me. I turn to music to cheer, comfort, calm, care, console.

Today I need The Exchange, an extraordinary elegy by Torres. It does not cheer or comfort or calm. It makes me cry, usually at 4.05 when she sings for 20 secs ‘Mother, Father, I’m underwater’. It’s a painful song, a pressing on a bruise, sonic purging kind of song.

I could not write this song it would take too much of me. Which makes me even more grateful and admiring that Torres gave it to us.

Lyrics

My mother lost her mother twice
Once in '54, then later in life
The exchange was quick and quiet
The records sealed, the names made private
Her search began and ended with a judge
Her papers had been claimed in a freak basement flood
An entire family tree, an eternal privacy

Underwater
Underwater
I am afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I cannot be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father
I'm underwater
And I don't think you can pull me out of this

There's virgin oil painted over my door
And hotel soap from every city
Lined up in my window
Blew my per diem on an eighth of Blue Dream
So I can breathe but I still can't breathe
Around my mouth, brown paper bag
Founding fathers on my back

I'm no martyr
I'm no martyr
I'm just
Afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I cannot be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father
I'm underwater
Underwater
Underwater

I've so much that I want to sing
But there's no room for toothbrushes in poetry, I
Pray to Jesus Christ incessantly, I
Shine my shoes for the Fat Lady, I'm still
Underwater

I'm underwater
Underwater
Underwater
I am afraid to see my heroes age
I am afraid of disintegration
If you're not here, I cannot be here for you
If you're not here, I cannot be alone
Mother, father
I'm underwater
And I don't think you can pull me out of this

I will no longer claim to know
Where we go when it's time to go
But when you go, will I go too?
When you go, I am going too
I'm underwater
I'm underwater
Mother, father
I'm underwater
I'm underwater
I'm underwater
Mother, father
I'm underwater

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

As I read it again, I am giggling. I recognise this is an unusual response to brutal personal criticism, and I don’t know why it affects me like this – but it’s better than tears.

I feel ‘limp’ is not accurate, but I have some sympathy with ‘tortured’. But overall, I feel the listener misunderstood my intention, which was not to sing it better than Kate Bush. My version is an homage to a song of unique beauty by an artist of unique genius. It is not a cover, not an impersonation, not an imitation, and certainly not an attempt to improve on perfection. I may (or may not) sing limply 😂, but I am not a fool.

No such thing as a bad review?

The story does not end here. I only discovered the review, which was posted four years after the album was released, because I started to get emails like this.

Dear Nazneen,

I don’t usually write to artists, but I wanted you know how much I loved your Man with the Child in His Eyes. It’s beautiful. I thought I’d hate it but he’s wrong. Don’t let the b******s get you down, and please keep singing.

Sadly for the reviewer their criticism backfired, they encouraged people to listen – perhaps to check out just how bad my version was – and converted several people to supporters. That’s worth a smile!

The Man With the Child in His Eyes

Here is my version of this classic song. It is one of my most popular songs on Soundcloud, and many lovely people took the time to write many lovely comments.

Public opinion is always swings-and-roundabouts.

I’m just grateful to be in the playground.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

I am enjoying the return of random connections and conversations. But I came to relish the forced alone time the last few years imposed. I am not alone in this.

Unlonely

As I walk these many hours
Talking to myself
Hunkered down
With aimless purpose

I am alone
But I am not lonely
Luxuriating
In the power of choice

Loneliness is in that crowded room
That pointless conversation
Alone I am rich with promise
My pace, my purpose

And when I choose
My darlings
You are there
To play, pine, plan

I am never lonely
When I am alone.

I hope you are often unlonely and never lonely.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

September is a month of new beginnings – a new season, a new school year, and many new hopes. Here are a few that brought me joy.

1.      Unlikely success stories by Emma Raducanu

Emma Raducanu’s extraordinary hop from schoolgirl to US Open tennis champion lightened many of our hearts this month. That the final was on the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks added to the gravitas and sense of renewal. It was a success that should not have been possible. But it happened. Because anything is possible.

There are many things to celebrate about Emma Raducanu. Her game, spirit, athleticism, and attitude are fabulous. She is also a true global citizen, fluent in English, Romanian and Mandarin. She represents a future I have longed for and now feels a bit closer.

2.      #MonthofHope by Greater Manchester

Greater Manchester, which includes over 2 million people, are running a Month of Hope between Sept 10th (World Suicide Prevention Day) and October 10th (World Mental Health Day). Residents are being encouraged to help spread hope across the region and dozens of inspiring, heart-warming events have taken place, like the Words of Hope online poetry event.

It is a wonderful idea that other regions should adopt.

3.      Passion by Pablo Neruda

I have not read much of late, I’ve not found the time. Even though I know that I need to find the time, to stay whole. When this happens, I turn to poetry, to give brief succour to my soul.

In September I rediscovered Pablo Neruda. I say rediscovered not because I had lost him, but because every time I read his poetry it is as electrifying as the first time. No one writes passion better. Helpfully for my HOPE list, he wrote a poem called The Eighth of September, which I share here.

4.      Sometimes I Might Be Introvert by Little Simz

I love this album title (of course!) and I am dazzled by the layers of musical and lyrical ambition in Little Simz’s fourth album. I can’t remember when I first heard her, but I do remember my total captivation. She is a unique, enthralling amalgam of swagger and sensitivity.

Earlier this year she said “Honestly, respectfully, I think I’m very, very talented”. I agree and love that she said it!

Here is the heart-stopping title track. Wow.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist.

I used to feel guilty about this wasted and wasteful (in)activity, but I now know it is the writing and singing that are vital. Not whether there is a concrete output.

But it is nice when there is an output! So here is a new song.

This song is inspired by the courage of dreamers. I have been inspired by so many these last few years, from sports, arts, science, and, of course, medicine. This song is a small mark of my gratitude and reminds me to stay strong.

It is written on my new guitar in a new tuning (DADGAD) – the history is given in a previous post.

Lyrics

Rosie was a friend of mine
She told me her dreams
I said - Girl, dream again
Rosie told me - Go to hell
I got one life
I’m gonna do this one thing well

We laughed
Rosie, poor sweet Rosie
But look who’s laughing now
Rosie, take a bow.

Skylar threw it all away
Soulless conformity is not a game she’s gonna play
Avant-garde, disregarded
Never understood
Skylar holds her nerve
She knows she’s good

We laughed
Skylar, poor kooky Skylar
But look who’s laughing now
Rosie, show us

How, to fall but never die
To fall until you fly
And we go WOW
Showing up, year after year
Jumping without fear
Wow, wow, wow

Take a bow.

Greatness is a frame of mind
Courage to stay the course
In the hardest of times
We celebrate success
It’s the losses we should applaud
Staying true, being true to your cause

We cry
Dreamers, make us believers
We all need you now
Show us

How, to fall but never die
To fall until we fly
Wow, wow, wow
Showing up, year after year
Jumping without fear
Wow, wow, wow

Take a bow.

Rosie, Skylar
All you dreamers
Take a bow.

Share

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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I believe, wholeheartedly, that rest is essential for creativity and for productivity. When I was younger I believed it but didn’t live by it. It was a choice that felt unavailable to me. Then, about a decade ago, I decided to choose and wear the consequences. There were no bad consequences - only good ones. I was more creative, more productive.

Because rest is essential for creativity and productivity!

Then the pandemic happened. I haven’t taken a ‘proper’ break since.

Until this week.

This week I am hiking and resting and, most importantly, not-thinking-about-work.

I know many of you have been living pressured, always-on lives for the last few years.

I hope you can find time to rest and reboot.

Here is a song that always makes me feel on holiday. It’s the muted trumpet…

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen

xxx

I grew up in a household where all unnecessary spending was avoided, and most non-essential spending was considered unnecessary. This is a good principle but can be taken to extremes and can be counterproductive (e.g. Buying sale items that you don’t need (and often don’t even want) is never a bargain!)

A persistent legacy is my need to justify any spending that I perceive to be self-indulgent. The definition of self-indulgent is not data-driven, evidence-based, systematic, or based on reason at all. I have no definition – it’s just how the potential expense makes me feel. Or maybe it’s how I subconsciously think it would make my parents feel.

All musical expenses feel self-indulgent.

Which is why I struggled for weeks before buying a second guitar. “How can you need two guitars?” I told myself. Sometimes adding maliciously “You can’t even play the one you’ve got”.

It all started with Laura Marling

I fell in love with Laura Marling, when I accepted a spare ticket to her 2012 show at the Royal Albert Hall, though l knew nothing about her or her music. My love was ignited before the gig began when she announced she would play the songs on her album in order without saying anything.

Then she started singing and I was a goner. Her delivery, tone, and storytelling are unique, at once soothing and stimulating.

A year ago, she was back at the Royal Albert Hall playing with the 12 Ensemble as part of the proms. Sadly, I wasn’t there, but thankfully, it is freely available to watch.

‘Suite’ which includes ‘Take the Night Off’, ‘Once I was an Eagle’, ‘You Know’, and ‘Breathe’ is a favourite of mine and I was struck by how weird but achievable the guitar accompaniment looked. Weird because the notes didn’t seem to fit, achievable because there were no hard chord changes.

Alternate tunings - wow!

I looked up the chords and discovered that for Suite her guitar is in a non-standard tuning (DADDAD). This makes it much easier to play and gives a different, moodier quality to the guitar sound.

I fell into a whirl of exploring alternate tunings from which I am yet to emerge. And to finding Laura’s charming IG tutorials on how to play her songs, including Suite.

Passion to paralysis

I was so excited to explore songwriting in alternate tunings. I thought it would bring a new dimension to my music and liberate me from the constraints of playing in standard tuning with tiny hands. I was wrong. I stopped playing guitar altogether, the time and pain of re-tuning turned out to be even more of a constraint.

Paralysis to purpose

A little voice in my head started whispering – “why not buy another guitar so you can have one in standard tuning and one in another tuning?”

Several months and many internal struggles later, I bought a Gretsch G9500 parlor guitar which I keep tuned to DADGAD.

I’ve written my first song on it – called ‘Rosie, Take a Bow’ which I promise to share with you very soon.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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Back then, Soundcloud was a global, virtual, community of musical ‘givers’. People willing to share their time and talent, simply for the joy of sharing. It was exhilarating and inspiring.  

Stems and Roses

I collaborated with many artists on Soundcloud, mostly passively, by making my vocal stems available for producers to use. This was easy and painless as I didn’t get involved in what they did with them. The results were always interesting, sometimes more weird than wonderful, and occasionally magical.

Through Soundcloud, my little stems blossomed into bouquets.

Love’s Not a Competition (but I’m winning)

In 2012, the artist Saint Remy, asked if he could use the vocal from my cover of the sublimely entitled song by the Kaiser Chiefs ‘Love’s Not a Competition (but I’m winning)’. I said ‘sure’, and sent him the stem, and thought no more about it.

I never heard from him again.

Until last month – nine years later. He contacted me to let me know he’d released a track using it.

Here is my version, and the (slightly altered) lyrics

Lyrics
I won’t be the one to disappoint you anymore
I know I’ve said all this and you’ve heard, it all before
The trick is getting you to think that all this was your idea
And that this was everything you’ve ever wanted, it’s right here

Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning

I’m not sure what’s truly altruistic anymore
And every good thing that I do is listed and you’re keeping score
Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning
Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning

At least at I thought I was, but there’s no way of knowing
Thought I was, but there’s no way of knowing
You know what it’s like when you’re new to the game
But I’m not

I won’t be the one to disappoint you anymore
I won’t be the one to disappoint you, no more, no more
Love’s not a competition, am I winning?
Love’s not a competition.

Future collaborations

Hearing from Saint Remy was a lovely and timely reminder for me about the (re)generative power of creative collaboration. The organisational logistics can be wearing, and many collaborations come to nothing, but the act of creating with others is valuable and invigorating. It is enough.

So……. I am currently writing lyrics for a singer, toplines for a producer, and I’ve (half-joined) a band!

I don’t know if I’ll have anything to share from these playful explorations. But they make me feel young and carefree.

It is enough.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

PS – The title of this post was inspired by a previous post on Amy Winehouse.

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

1.      Inspiring dreamers by Martin Luther King

On August 28th, 1963, Martin Luther King delivered his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

The impact was immediate and profound, its place in history forever secured. Reading it again today, I was as moved and inspired as the first time, but differently. Each time I read it, it speaks to the present me, it energises the present me, it rouses me to deliver my present dreams.

Today, I noticed these words for the first time.  

“This is no time to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.”

Read the whole speech here.

2.      Extraordinary inventions by Wilbur and Orville Wright

There are some innovations that were so radical, so implausible, that pursuing them required more faith than reason. Believing that man could fly is one such invention. Every time I fly, I marvel that a 55-ton plane can get into the air and somehow stay there. I understand the theory, I have much first-hand experience of the reality, but it still feels unlikely!

Wilbur Wright, one-half of the pioneering aviation Wright brothers, was born in August 1871, and in August 1909 the Wright Flyer, was the first flying machine bought and put into service by a government. The US paid $25,000, plus a $5000 bonus because it went faster than the speed requirement of 40 mph. Wow!

3.      Never giving up the fight – by Universal Suffrage

In August 1920, the 19th Amendment to the US Constitution was passed and prohibited denying the right to vote of US citizens on the basis of gender, over 40 years after the first women’s suffrage amendment was introduced.

I’m not sure if we should be shocked or pleased this was only 100 years ago. I am shocked and saddened that it did not, and has not, (yet) led to gender equality being an axis on which the world turns. But it is at least the guiding principle for most societies – so there is hope, and many, many fighters who keep on fighting.

4.       Pursuing the facts by Climate scientists

In August 2021, the IPCC published its sixth report on the state of the climate. Their assessment was clear and supported by incontrovertible data – our climate is changing because of our actions. This is causing increasing damage to us and our planet, and we need to act today to limit the damage.  

Climate scientists have been telling us the facts for many years; in August 1912 ‘Coal Consumption Affecting Climate’ was published in the Rodney and Otamatea Times.

We need to listen, we need to change, we need to act.

I leave you with a beautiful example – Environmental Graphiti uses art to visualise and communicate climate facts.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

This is the 34th Yours Hopefully post. I’ve written to you every week for 34 weeks. But, sadly, today I do not have time. Please forgive me. I’m being menaced by a looming deadline. For once it is not my ill discipline that has led to me working very hard on a Sunday, so I’m going to forgive myself!

I will share with you the song I’ve been obsessed with this week - Getting Older by Billie Eilish. It’s a song that could easily sit in my own discography. This acoustic version is particularly beautiful.

I love the power of Eilish’s understated delivery.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

The soundtrack was less inspiring, snapshots of well-worn, much-loved, internationally recognisable classical masterpieces. Beautiful, but a missed opportunity. Or perhaps a deliberate choice to ensure global appeal and unadulterated focus on the art.

Nestled in the playlist was a piece by the French composer Erik Satie, reminding me of long childhood summers spent desecrating his beautiful Gymnopedie No.1, with my mediocre piano playing. Satie, I am sorry.

Classical vs Instrumental

I admire classical music, but I never choose to listen to it. Some compositions are interwoven with my history and become meaningful by extension. Others, like Satie’s music, move me, but there are no recordings in my home, or on my playlists.

I am beguiled and a little jealous of the passion and joy classical music inspires in friends. It may be latent in me, but I haven’t (yet) accessed it. I doubt I will, there are many higher things on my bucket list.

I listen to a lot of music without vocals – tomorrow’s classical music. I have no knowledge of the genres, and a cursory search of Google suggests I am not alone. If I hear an instrumental track I like, I save it, or Shazam it and store it by the need it serves. Here are a couple of examples:

When I need serenity

The Swimmer by Phil France

I had a brief period of anxious insomnia a few years ago, and this was the track that I turned to, night after night. The rhythm soothes me. I don’t find ‘relaxing’ music very relaxing, it makes me anxious that I am failing to RELAX. Phil France’s music has the elemental cadence of a world turning on its axis. It makes me feel I’ll be all right.

I discovered when writing this that France is a member of the Cinematic Orchestra, a band I love dearly, who are playing today at a festival I failed to get tickets for. It is a very small world.

When I need renewal

Memento (For D) by Guy Sigsworth

I first heard this at an Imogen Heap gig in 2019. Amongst the noisy revelers, I became still. There was no one in the Roundhouse but me, Guy, and his keyboard. As the track ended, I found my cheeks were wet with tears, of neither joy nor sadness, just aliveness.

When I feel numb, at the end of a long day, I play this track and emerge fresh, reborn. The world feels full of beautiful possibilities. I do hope you love it.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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I have always admired Patti Smith. Her creativity is boundless, by which I mean she does not allow anyone to put bounds on it. She observes life with words, music, film, poetry, images, and her observations let us – sometimes force us – to see life through fresh eyes.

But I can’t get on with her music. I’m never in the mood for it. I don’t know what mood that would be.

Just Kids

Then I read ‘Just Kids’, the memoir of her early years in 1950’s New York, and fell hard for her writing. Her every word conjures imagery with spellbinding deftness:

“It was the summer Coltrane died. The summer of 'Crystal Ships.' Flower children raised their empty arms and China exploded the H-bomb. Jimi Hendrix set his guitar in flames in Monterey. AM radio played 'Ode to Billie Joe.' There were riots in Newark, Milwaukee, and Detroit. It was the summer of Elvira Madigan, the summer of love. And in this shifting, inhospitable atmosphere, a chance encounter changed the course of my life. It was the summer I met Robert Mapplethorpe.”

Words never fail her

Her concise brilliance with words is also evident in her songs. A recent study of 100 music ‘legends’ found Patti Smith had the highest vocabulary rate using 217 unique words per 1000. With Joni Mitchell in second place with 199. Though Bob Dylan has used the most unique words over his career – 12,285 and counting.

The reader is my notebook

Patti Smith now has a blog on substack. It delights me to be alongside her on this platform and having Patti’s words in my life every week has been a highlight of the year. Do check it out:

I’m possibly even coming round to the songs.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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So, I will spend the week watching the Olympics. Which is the perfect vacation and a family tradition I’m delighted to revive. My childhood summers were pleasantly punctuated by the quadrennial tradition of non-stop Olympics viewing, leaving the sofa only for essentials and to mimic comic sporting elements – synchronised swimming, gymnastic jazz hands, and, of course, the dressage.

I don’t know when it became shameful to say this is how you want to spend a week. But I couldn’t be happier. I will be writing music too – I have a new project underway and I’m creatively energised.

Summertime

A question, dear readers. Is it acceptable for a musician to not know of George Gershwin? This is one of two spiraling unresolved debates I am engaged in. The second is about whether/which new Olympic sports should be included. I tended to the conservative view on the latter topic until BMX won my heart. On the first topic I am not wavering – I want every musician to know of George Gershwin, not simply because of his genius, because of his enduring influence.

I wasn’t doing well in this debate, Gershwin died 85 years ago, so his contemporary status is a hard sell. But then I pulled out my Ninja Dropin (BMX term) – Lana Del Rey’s ‘Doin’Time’ – one of the biggest songs of 2019 in which the homage to Gershwin could not be clearer. Gold medal secured.

Doin’ Time is one of my favourite tracks of 2019. I also liked it in 1997 when Sublime recorded it, but I much prefer Lana del Rey’s version.

By astonishing coincidence, that adds a pleasing symmetry to this post, Wikipedia informs me the original version was included in the soundtrack of the 2001 video game Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 2

Nice!

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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1.       Mind-blowing innovation by Trees (and Stora Enso)

I love trees. Walking amongst trees makes me stronger, surer, more resilient. I soak up their implacable confidence – a tree knows what it’s about, they don’t waste time or energy.

Humankind has mostly ignored the wisdom of trees. Late in the day (but hopefully not too late) we are realising how much we will depend on them to sort out the mess we have made of the planet.

But I had no idea of all that a tree can now do. Watch and wonder.

2.       Hopeful ingenuity by The Young

I have spent much of July observing people in their 20s trying to solve the big problems of our age – sustainability, healthcare, climate change. It has been a privilege and a pleasure. And the ideas have been thrilling, not simply their substance, but also the scope, ambition, and integrity with which they were conceived.

The Global Challenge Lab 2021, for which I was a judge, is an international 10-day virtual entrepreneurship programme run by Imperial Enterprise Lab, Tsinghua University and Futurize, to create solutions to improve health and wellbeing.

I wasn’t expecting too much from 10 days. I was wrong. Ten days is plenty of time to change the world if the right people are doing the changing.

The pandemic has been hard on many people, but students have had a particularly rough time, which makes their hopeful engagement in making-the-best-of-it even more inspiring.

3. Steadfast resolve by Music Activists

I have written before about the exploitation and injustice that artists and songwriters are suffering at the hands of streaming companies and big labels. This week a damning UK Parliamentary report was published, calling for investigation and change.

The conclusion: “Streaming needs a complete reset”.

The practical, simple solution they recommend is for streamed music to be classified as ‘rental’ so plays are treated in a similar way to radio plays, for which royalties are effectively recouped through music rights societies.

This movement was started by a small band of brave, well-organised artists – the #BrokenRecord campaign, who decided the injustice had to stop. Because it is unfair, and because it has made it impossible for even successful, popular, much-loved artists to make ends meet. That cannot be right.

Thank you #BrokenRecord from everyone who makes music and everyone that listens to it.

If you want to support the campaign, please try to directly support the musicians you love – buy music from their websites, or listen on Bandcamp. We can all make a difference.

4. Generous creativity by Kae Tempest

Kae Tempest (formerly Kate Tempest) is a rare talent. A poet, spoken word performer, recording artist, novelist, playwright, rapper. I consume anything she makes, without question. I know it will teach me and enrich me.

I discovered Tempest accidentally in 2016 when I happened upon a performance of the astonishing ‘Let Them Eat Chaos’. I was spellbound. A trailer is below. You can see the full 52 mins here.

On my first trip to a bookshop post-lockdown I was surprised, happily, to find a book by Tempest at the counter that I hadn’t heard of. A slim gentle meditation on the power of creative connection. Written with tenderness and honesty and a deep, generous desire for all of us to be saved by our own creativity.

You will recognise yourself amongst the pages. You will be more connected to yourself and the world after reading it.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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I have a tortured relationship with time that music soothes and stokes. Without a soundtrack, my brain cannot catalogue experiences. To remember when something happened, I often go through complex contortions trying to recall what I was listening to at the time. And yet a few notes of a memory’s song can conjure a sharpness of detail more like time-travel than recollection.

I had such a moment this week.

It is ten years since Amy Winehouse died. So, the newspapers said. A timelapse of dozens of memories, scored by her unique voice, played in my heart as I read this astonishing fact. I was undone.

We make intimate relationships with certain voices. Voices that hold within them the joys and pains we feel, but deeper than we dare, more bravely than we dare. We turn to them for understanding, comfort, and inspiration, and to celebrate their gift.

Amy Winehouse had one of those voices. With the technical prowess and individuality of tone, pitch, range, and power that define voices labeled ‘unique’. But that was not the heart of its allure. Her delivery makes her voice captivating. Her pacing, word placing, jerky intonation, unpredictable rhythms. She sings what she likes, how she likes. No constraints.

It is impossible to sing along to an Amy Winehouse song, you sound mannered and insincere. And sincerity, — constant, shameless, naked sincerity, — is its essence. We listen, heart-in-mouth because we know we are not able or willing to be that exposed.

Always alive

Such voices, such spirits, can never die. Their bodies may leave us, sometimes tragically, sometimes triumphantly, always too soon. But the music remains, and so the love affair can continue, sustained by a living, expanding intimacy with their legacy.

My deepening relationship with Amy is rooted in my love for singing Love Is A Losing Game. Every time I sing it, I sing it for her. I hope you like my version.

I started singing this song after watching Asif Kapadia’s testimonial to Amy, a masterclass in documentary filmmaking, that is both beautiful and tragic in every frame – as was she.  

Do watch it. Focus on the early footage of her luminous, unbridled talent. Amy’s was a rare gift, that we were very lucky to share.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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It’s been a fevered week in England. Football may be Coming Home. In case you are unaware, this is a reference to a football song. England has underperformed on the pitch, but in the studio, they’ve excelled, their songs are much better than any other nation. I accept the bar is extremely low. Three Lions is in a league of its own, but I also have a fondness for New Order’s World in Motion; the John Barnes rap is so bad it’s good. Or maybe it is just bad. Either way, it makes me smile.

But dear listeners, do not fear, I am not rapping about football. My earworm is a classic. Undoubtedly inspired by this riveting week of sport - Wimbledon, Tour de France, Euro 2020 - but also because I like to remember that every day makes a difference.

We get lost in the past and future
But we only ever have this day.

And here is my favourite version of my earworm, sung with effortless elegance by Dinah Washington.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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There is so little difference between ordinary and original, perceptive and pompous, dull and delightful. And yet, when a writer gets it right, it is so obviously right. Good writing grabs you by the shoulders, gleefully; nods at you, knowingly. Like this from Bella Pollen’s Meet Me in the In-Between, which is beguiling my nights:

‘My sister, my brother, and I begin at the beginning, our ID cards clean and unstamped, three little pastas waiting for sauces’  

Three little pastas waiting for sauces – a unique, bulls-eye evocation of young siblings, created from universal acts in everyday words. Simple and magical.

Poetry and song

The constraints of songwriting help maintain focus – every syllable counts – but heighten the dangers. You have so little time to make a connection, to say something worth saying, worth hearing.

Poetry walks a similar cliff-top and several of my songs are inspired by poems, particularly my early songs when I didn’t know what to write about1.

The first song I released is an interpretation of this poem by Brian Patten.

The lyrics this poem birthed.

You ask me for a present
I offer you a song
You say that that’s too easy
Cos it won’t take me long.

You ask me for a token
I offer words of love
You say that that’s too simple
And no more than you deserve.

But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
That there’s nothing I can give you.
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
Cos there’s nothing you will take.

I ask you for an answer
You offer me denial
You flinch beneath my fingers
You bridle at my smile.

I ask you for a grievance
You’re happy to provide
You ice it with resentment
I don’t even care, just it let slide.

But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
That there’s nothing you will give me.
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
Cos there’s nothing that I want.

But I remember when you coaxed the buttons from my blouse
You traced the lifelines in our palms
You walked for miles to reach my house.
And I remember when I had no fear
If you were near and
Everything in life seemed clear.

Now we’re a mess of contradictions
We’re a sump of futures gone
We’re the shards of broken ceasefires
And everything we do is wrong.
Everything we had is gone
You and I, we don’t belong
You and I, we’re just wrong.

But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
That your keys are on the table.
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
Cos I’ve already changed the locks.

It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
That we’ve nothing left to fight for now.
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok
Cos the bed’s already warm.

And here is the song

I was going for a Zero 7 vibe, for reasons I no longer remember.

Never try to be too clever

Reading these lyrics, after many years, I am content. I like ‘shards of broken ceasefires’, ‘you flinch beneath my fingers’, ‘I ask you for a grievance, you’re happy to provide, you ice it with resentment’. I like that the last line makes you reassess the whole story.

This song was called ‘Token’ for many months. For no strong reason, mostly because I love ‘Start’ by The Jam, and how the title only appears once in the song, as does ‘Token’ in my song.

But then I changed it to ‘Constructive Dismissal’. I won’t try to justify this heavy-handed, overwrought analogy that manages to be too opaque and too literal. What was I thinking 🙄?

External evidence of my misjudgement is not necessary but is provided by the oft used title – ‘the one that used be called Token’!

I fear this won’t be my last crime. I am a lover of wordplay, an extreme sport that sometimes leads to injury.

I apologise in advance and thank you for your tolerance.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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I share a few here. I hope they comfort and inspire.

1.       Browsing bookshops by Simple Pleasures

The bookshops are open again and so is my book-discovering heart. I love to happen upon a new book that I decide to read on a whim. I can’t do this virtually – the online experience gives too much and not enough. Too much choice, too many reviews that I don’t want to pay attention to but can’t help myself. Not enough on how the book will feel in my hand, or the small details that make me want to spend time with the author.  

I feel safe in a bookshop. Unpressured. Unseen. No one offers to help you, no one cares how long you are there, or if you buy anything. Whatever my mood when I enter, I leave centered, and cosseted.

2.       Journaling by Marcus Aurelius

Whilst browsing I happened upon a translation of Meditations by Gregory Hays. Meditations is a self-help journal Roman Emperor style. What is striking is how universal and unaffected by time these richly varied private reflections are.

I had read a different translation, many years ago, and found it worthy but turgid. The stoic philosophy it espouses calls to me, but I never re-read it. Now I realise it was the translation, not the text that I couldn’t relate to. I found this version humane, wise, compassionate; a heartening, encouraging personal tale of the quest to live your best life.

I journal more-or-less daily. I would defy anyone, including myself, to ‘translate’ my scribblings into anything of worth or interest. But it is the act of journaling, rather than the substance that is important. Another simple pleasure and an essential one (for me).

3.       Everyday commitment by Pharmacy Declares

One of the joys of building a programme on Sustainable Healthcare is being immersed in the passion and energy of trailblazing changemakers determined that healthcare can be good for us and good for our planet. This month I was repeatedly inspired by the unfailing, unflailing commitment of a group of ‘climate conscious’ pharmacy professionals, who have self-convened themselves into an organisation to declare a climate emergency, and demand and drive action.

If all of us step up and take action towards the things that matter to us, we will build the world we need. Thank you Pharmacy Declares!.

4.       Doing it her way, always by Joni Mitchell

Recently, I wrote about the covert, yet powerful influence Joni Mitchell has had on my music. This week, she was in my mind again because her seminal album Blue, is fifty years old. Wow. Blue is timeless, a universally acclaimed classic. And yet, as Joni wryly notes in her message below, it didn’t start that way…..

There are few things I find more inspiring than someone doing it their way, whatever the reception, whatever the consequences. Even if I disagree with the thing ‘being done’ I still respect the integrity of the doing.  

Without such bravery and integrity, we would not have such beauty as Blue.

That’s all from June. Have a hopeful July.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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One of my new decade resolutions was, is, to do more live performances. Being on stage is not my happy place, I prefer the cocoon of the studio. But I am always happy after I’ve done a gig, and it always goes better than I fear. The fears, nebulous, shadowy but menacing, are usually unfounded, unhelpful, and unnecessary. Except for that one time 😱………………..

In Jan 2020, with 30 songs, 3 albums, and a warm, welcoming listener base (that’s you guys!), I decided to go on tour. A mini-tour – a few gigs as a three-piece in the UK and a few with just me and my keyboard in the States. Then the pandemic happened, and I had to shelve it.

To be honest, I was a bit relieved 🤫!

Live streaming – no thank you

During the summer of 2020, I did some online streaming gigs, mainly for charity. Performing from home seemed like nirvana, in theory. The reality was excruciating. Singing to a crowded room can induce anxiety, but it is far preferable to singing to your own reflection, which is what you see if you stream from home. And the sound quality of online live music is painful, assuming your Wi-Fi lets you stream at all. And there are no highs or ‘hi’s after an online performance, it’s sterile.  

Come to the Mis(sed) Communication tour!

This summer I’m going to try something different. An experiment. I am going to record a fully live, acoustic, single-take gig of a selection of my songs. Just me and my keyboard. The songs as I first wrote them, but with good quality sound that doesn’t depend on your bandwidth or mine.

The tour will be online but also more live, and more real to you than just being a spectator. To do this we will top-and-tail the recorded concert with a live introduction and an after-gig interview and Q+A, with yours truly, where we can hang out together, and you can ask me about the songs, or songwriting, or anything.

Does this sound attractive?

If so, drop me an email (or reply to this post). And please tell me your time zone.

And I’ll make it happen.

Please spread the word…..

Share

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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If you are an artist, the question of ‘from’ will be framed as ‘who are your influences’?

I’m often asked this. If I connect with someone who has heard my music, they often answer the question for me.

‘I can hear the influence of Joni Mitchell in your songs’ they might say.

Joni Mitchell comes up a lot.

I’m sorry, you are wrong

With (superficial) honesty, I tell them I’d never heard Joni Mitchell, except Amy Grant’s cover of Big Yellow Taxi which was everywhere in the mid-90s, until long after my ‘voice’ was established.  

I grew up in a house devoid of music, other than what I brought into it, and I only had the radio. No one was playing Joni on the stations I listened to as a child.

Later I bought ‘Blue’ and ‘Hejira’ because people told me I must. Their brilliance astounded me, but they did not worm into my heart or my ears. Joni Mitchell remained number 11 on the top 10 list of artists I wanted to spend more time with, year after year.

Then in 2018, I found myself on the northernmost tip of Scotland moments from the beach, hearing an unknown Danish amateur jazz singer cover A Case of You.  I was spellbound.

‘What is that song?’ I asked my neighbour.

She was unable to hide her shock at my ignorance. Fair enough. Every singer, every songwriter, that has or will ever live, should know this extraordinary song.

Late love

The loves of our youth stay with us forever, but there is a special and deep pleasure in later love. Over the last few years, I have fallen deeply in love with Mitchell, and her music, but mostly her. Because she is bravely original, endlessly creatively, and fearlessly honest.

Because she says things like this:

Because she made things like this:

Actually, you are right

As I have come to know Joni Mitchell I realise she has been a deep influence on my art. Though I did not listen to her, the artists I admired and listened to then – Prince, Bjork, and now – Laura Marling, James Blake, St Vincent – cite Joni Mitchell as profound influences. She is amongst a handful of artists that changed and shaped culture, forever.

Without Joni Mitchell, my music would be very different.

It might not exist at all.

Yours hopefully,

Nazneen xxx

Yours Hopefully is an experiment in living hopefully. With music and musings, from a singer-songwriter-scientist. Why not subscribe and get a post every Sunday in your inbox?

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